Seniors and driving… it is one of the most challenging topics adult children must face. When is the right time for your parent to stop driving? How do you initiate the conversation? Can the conversation be had without anger and resentment creeping in? Assessing your loved one’s ability to drive safely isn’t easy and talking about the possibility of giving up the car is even more difficult. For your parent’s safety and the safety of other drivers, it’s important to remain engaged in this part of your loved one’s life.
Determining when a loved one needs to stop driving is the first step. There are several ways you can assess your loved one’s ability behind the wheel. Start by accompanying them in the car. Let them drive and quietly watch. Are they nervous while driving? Are they aware of the environment around them? Are they fatigued after driving? Some seniors willingly curtail their driving to daytime hours and favorite routes. If your loved one is cutting back on their own, this is a sign they are aware of their limitations and monitoring their own abilities.
Have you noticed any new dings or scratches on your their car? While normal wear and tear is expected, new dents and scratches can be indicators of bigger concerns. When assessing your loved one’s driving, casually ask about tickets, driving violations or if their insurance rates have changed. These can all be signs that driving has become a struggle.
For one family, the increased occurrence of accidents was a major contributor to the decision to discuss limiting their loved one’s driving. “She had had three accidents in three months. She was nervous behind the wheel and we were worried about her safety and the safety of others,” explains Jen DeFranco of Palatine, IL.
For many seniors the thought of giving up the car fills them with anxiety. How will they get to their weekly golf game? How will they shop or get to the doctor? What if there isn’t public transportation nearby, how will they cope? Imagine how you would feel in their situation. Don’t make declarative or alarmist statements; it will only induce stress and anger on your loved one’s part.
Keep your discussion casual and expect that it will take place over more than one meeting. Perhaps in the beginning it’s a casual discussion of needs and how often they use the car. You can also discuss any concerns your loved one may have concerning giving up the car. Let them lead the discussion so you have a clear view of their thoughts and feelings on the issue. As the discussion progresses, you can broach the subject of limited driving or giving up the keys completely.
If you believe it’s time for your loved one to stop driving, be prepared to offer solutions to their mobility concerns. DeFranco offered her mother-in-law a variety of solutions to allow her to limit her driving. She explains, “We’ve encouraged her to only drive in town and on days when the weather is clear. We’ve set up a grocery delivery service, carpools to her favorite activities, and the family helps by taking her to other places she needs to go.”
You don’t want your loved one to be a shut-in. Be realistic about your ability to accommodate their needs. If being your loved one’s primary driver isn’t an option, consider hiring an elder care provider to assist with driving tasks. “We help many seniors maintain their quality of life by providing transportation to favorite activities, weekly outings, the store or doctor appointments,” explains Larry Meigs, President and CEO of Visiting Angels. “Our elder care providers become a lifeline for those who no longer drive.”
Whether you decide to be your loved one’s primary driver or if you hire an elder care provider to provide driving assistance, the most important thing is to keep your loved one safe. Make the time to have this important discussion and find solutions that work for your family.
Article provided by Visiting Angels Living Assistance Services
Hello! I am a AGNG 200 student at The Erickson School of Aging. From personal experience, i know that asking someone close to you to give up something that helps keep their livelihood can be a very tough thing. Driving is something that helps older people stay in tune with the world through a social life. Although it can be tough to give up driving, it is much safer for everyone. As people age their vision and reflexes begin to deteriorate. As an adult child, I feel it is my responsibility to help take care of my parents transportation as they grow older.
Hello, I’m an Aging 200 student at the Erickson School of Aging. Yes, taking away the car keys from your loved one can be very difficult. I learnt this from personal experience. Some of our elderly ones love to be independent and would not like to be another person’s “burden”. I like the steps that could be followed by children and family members of seniors before taking the keys away from them. Some elderly people are on medications for health reasons that could prevent them from driving and would be an easy way for their children to have a reason to take away the car keys. Providing them with driving assistance is a good solution to this issue.
Hi there
I am an AGNG 200 student at the Erickson School of Aging. Your post does not only bring up an issue to light but it also gives ideas on how to handle this issue. One cannot simply take the car keys of an elderly person because they fear they cause accident due to their age. Like the poster suggests we should carefully watch how they drive and react to enviroment before making drastic decisions and taking their means of movement. Coming up with solutions, why their car keys were taken might make them accept the conditions in which it was taken and not drive them to think that they are trying to solated
Hello I am an AGNG 200 student at the Erickson School of Aging. This post seems to be one of the major conflicts we have at home with our elderly family members. Is it right for us to take away their keys to drive? .I think we should follow what the post says and access whether or not the person is fit to drive and if they are taking extra precautions to compensate for their age while driving. In our class we learnt about how cognitive function declines over time causing a great increase in reaction time for elderly people. With all the accidents taking place now days we should be taking extra steps to make sure our family members are safe while still being able to live their day to day lifes.
Hello,
I am an AGNG 200 student at the Erickson School of Aging. I agree with a lot of the things that you stated in this article. My late great aunt started to struggle mightily with driving. No one in my family would dare talk to her about the problem, because they were afraid of her response. I think there are many factors as to why older people start to struggle with driving. Their sense of sight starts to get worse, their memory starts to get worse, and their overall alertness decreases with age. It is not their fault, it is just part of aging. Thank you for this post!
Don’t give tragedy the opportunity to strike your family; there is help available.
Keeping Us Safe is a national organization that provides practical, real-life solutions to older drivers and their families. Our program are designed to help older drivers with diminishing driving skills make a smooth transition from the driver’s seat to the passenger seat without deterioration to their dignity, personal pride or independence.
Our programs provide families with the missing link between their desire to bring this issue to a peaceful resolution, and their ability to actually do so.
“Beyond Driving with Dignity; The workbook for older drivers and their families” serves as the foundation for the “Beyond Driving with Dignity” program.
We also offer our Certified “Beyond Driving with Dignity” Professionals who have been specifically trained and certified in Keeping Us Safe’s “Enhanced Self-Assessment Program” for older drivers.
With the self-assessment program, families benefit from a third-party, impartial intervention in resolving this very delicate and sensitive issue with a loved-one. Certified “Beyond Driving with Dignity” Professionals can be found throughout the U. S. and Canada.
Keeping Us Safe’s “self-assessment program” for older drivers has become a respected resource for physicians, hospital systems, and court systems looking for help for older drivers and their concerned families.
Our programs are designed to save lives while helping to ease the burden of the family as they find themselves faced with this very challenging issue.
For more information on our programs, or to learn more about becoming one of the Nation’s Certified “Beyond Driving with Dignity” Professionals, visit Keeping Us Safe at http://www.keepingussafe.org or call us at 877-907-8841.