See Spot run. Run, Spot, run!
If you were in elementary school in the 1930s through ’70s, these words probably evoke memories of sitting quietly at desks in neat rows and reading books such as Fun with Dick and Jane, whose main (white) characters reflected gender-constrained norms. My strongest memory of a Dick and Jane story involved Jane in the kitchen with Mother, wearing dresses and tidy aprons and making an apple pie, while Dick was in the backyard with Father building a doghouse for Spot.
As a child, I was bothered by that story. Sure, I liked cooking and baking, but I also liked building things, and somehow this plot line, which didn’t include Dick and Jane participating together in both activities, seemed to tell me that I could choose only the one assigned to females. I’m sure I wasn’t alone in my frustration. There must have been lots of budding female architects and male chefs (of all colors) who felt the same way.
So maybe it was more than coincidental that in the 1970s I became a writer of educational materials for children. In those burgeoning Women’s Liberation and Civil Rights days, elementary school textbooks deliberately began chipping away at traditionally monolithic gender and racial roles. We writers were creating multiethnic, multiracial stories about female airplane pilots and male nurses. The pedagogical theory driving our work was that educational materials should not only reflect the reality of the times but also help promote positive changes to that reality. Our approach was to mold young minds by offering them plots, characters, and attitudes we wanted to see incorporated into everyday life. Slowly, the barriers to what was possible for a girl or boy to be or do started to fall. New paradigms were created for working and living in community.
Dick and Jane were growing up.
Now Dick and Jane have reached elderhood. What scenarios are they living or want to live? In what ways are they being held back by the restrictive stories that society insists on telling about them? And how can we revise those stories in order to change social attitudes and expectations about aging?
First, we have to deal with language, because the words we choose define the who, what, where, when, why, and how of any story.
Look, Jane, look. You can look.
Dick can play. See Dick play.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve never heard young children express themselves using such stilted, oversimplified syntax. Perhaps the same is true of the stilted, outdated language used to describe older adults. We can’t even agree on terms that depict aging status. “Senior citizens”? “The elderly”? Most baby boomers reject these terms as ageist and patronizing. And what about describing active older adults as “spry”? Just like calling a young woman “perky” or a young man “bold,” applying such a term trivializes age by implying that a proactive, engaged person in his or her later years is an exception and not the more realistic rule.
If we can’t agree on language that describes aging, can we at least agree on the kinds of activities older adults can and should be encouraged and expected to do? Just as I bristled at the implication that I shouldn’t be allowed to build a doghouse, I reject the premise that as an older adult I shouldn’t be allowed to work as long as I want at any job I am capable of doing, that my opinion shouldn’t be sought on matters of civic policy, that my time as a volunteer and my knowledge acquired from experience aren’t as valuable as those of persons decades younger.
I bristle, too, that as an older adult, I am assumed to be needy (don’t we all need things from society?) but not also assumed to be a source for providing for the needs of others of all generations.
Whether our culture accepts it or not, the reality is that older adults are here to stay –– for a lot longer than did previous elder generations –– and that we still have much to contribute to all aspects of our economic, political, and cultural experience.
See Dick lead a county arts commission.
See Jane create a small business.
See Dick and Jane take part in all aspects of life.
And thanks to them, see our society thrive.
As an adult, I find that language is extremely important in everyday interaction. We communicate by words, gestures, and tone of voice. Even though language is essential in communication, we must use it effectively and carefully.
I am in my mid 20s. I recently went to a hair salon to get my haircut. The hair stylist greeted me by saying “How are you mommy, what can I do for you today”. How do they know if I’m married and have children? I felt extremely uncomfortable after hearing that, but I did not complaint anything. I mean it would be fine if they call someone who is a bit older. It hurt my feeling because I did not know that I could be called mommy. I am not saying calling mommy is unappropriated but it is not fine to call all ages that. I believe my situation is similar to the person who gave the reviewed before me.
Using language appropriately is crucial for every age. It does not matter who and when you are speaking to. Language could cause misunderstanding and trouble to others.
we moved when i was in first grade and i had to read dick and jane twice…hell it was boring the first time! i hate being called a senior…they don’t called middle aged people juniors or young adults freshman! i m an elder and i even prefer being called old…well, i AM old and proud of it! i’ll be 74 soon and don’t see any reason to be coy about it! i agree that equating looking good with looking young makes no sense at all, and yet that is what older woman especially hear: “you look great!…always followed by,”you look so young”. two entirely different things.i’ve seen some very ugly young people and some beautiful old people who look their age, like jane goodall for instance. crepey skin and wrinkles give character and a different kind of beauty! if only my hair would turn white or grey!
Great piece Jeanette! Much needed advocacy- too many of us accept ageist stereotypes. May we all open our eyes to the opportunities and losses of long lived lives.
Responding to “Words count”, I was in a Physical Therapy Office last week being greeted by a senior female physical therapist, who was introduced to me as a mentor to other PTs. Her greeting to me was to call me, “Young Lady”. I am 75. When will young people realize that this is offensive. It felt like she thought she was helping me to avoid my age. It was more of the same stuff as,” Oh, you don’t look your age” type thing. PLEASE….I am not young. I fully accept my age and want to be valued as an intelligent, mature woman who has had many years of rich professional and personal experience.
In all honesty, that remark was degrading. I can just hear some people saying, “..Oh, she didn’t mean anything by it.” or “You are too sensitive”. Ageism prejudice comes in many subtle forms, and we expand consciousness by recognizing them.
Ok so you are an exception to the average senior. Yes there are senior athletes, and employees working well past their designated retirement age, but please look around and take inventory of the average senior. Many have chosen a lifestyle of low activity, poor diet and high alcohol. Dick and Jane have grown up but they have to realize how hard it is to fight the aging process. I see it daily in my clinic, the repeated expression, “where are the golden years”. These are people who have lived good lives and now have bad knees, hips, need stents, hearing aids etc. If you are in good shape then thank you for your efforts and please encourage others.
Nicely written, Jeannette! Tim
Thanks for this brilliant piece of writing, Jeanette.
Every day, it seems, I am in conversation about the words we use and how crucial they are in telling a story. Every word counts and means something. Many disagree with me – ‘Oh, you take things too seriously,” etc. As a writer, I know exactly how important every word is. Every day when someone says: “Oh, you look great! You don’t look 60, or 70, or 80, or 90”, I say this implies that certain ages (MY age!), could not look great! Really? How about: THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT THIS AGE LOOKS LIKE! Thanks Jeanette!
Thanks for the kind words, Cathie! I’ll be writing more about language in future columns. In the meantime, all of us can continue to engage others in conversation about any inaccurate or demeaning words they might use when referring to older adults and their behaviors and attitudes. Keep up the good work!
Outgrowing childhood is just a warm up for outgrowing adulthood