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You are here: Home / Culture Change / Say What You Mean

Say What You Mean

Collect a vocabulary from your own imagination, experience, as well as picking up skillful language use from others.Say What You Mean

by, Kyrié Carpenter, Managing Editor

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Stigma is a word that comes to us directly from its greek origin, originally meaning ‘a mark made by a pointed instrument.’ In a more modern definition that “mark” is a label or diagnosis that defines the person and is inherently negative or shameful. In botany, stigma denotes the part of a flower that accepts the pollen. I want to take this image and offer that we can use stigma more true to this definition, as the part of the organism that can accept the pollen or inspiration.

Through reducing the negative, shameful and dishonoring messages so commonly spread via stigma, we can offer instead more viable pollination which hopefully will mature into fruits of dignity.

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The question is how?

Lewis Caroll in his seminal work Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland beautifully illustrated the value and weight of word choice.

‘Then you should say what you mean,’ the March Hare went on.

‘I do,’ Alice hastily replied;
‘at least — at least I mean what I say — that’s the same thing, you know.’

‘Not the same thing a bit!’ said the Hatter.
‘You might just as well say that ‘I see what I eat’ is the same thing as ‘I eat what I see!’

Take a moment and think — Do you say what you mean? Do you mean what you say?

As the Mad Hatter alluded, it is important to say what we mean and mean what we say. In my work with aging, I find word choice hugely influential, not only in communication, but in shaping my perspective. I am not going to give you a list of new words to use to reduce stigma, that is only a part of the power of words. More powerful is the intentionality and meaning behind the word.

All of us have witnessed a ‘new’ word be put into effect, only for it to take on the same shameful stigmatizing definition as its predecessor. I challenge you today to bring awareness to your word choice.

Really evaluate what you are saying. Do you mean what you say? Do you say what you mean?

Collect a vocabulary from your own imagination, experience, as well as picking up skillful language use from others. This will be clunky at first, and you will notice yourself not meaning what you say or saying what you mean. Being aware of these slip-ups is what is important. Enlist a compatriot to help, and engage in dialogue about which words feel best to each of you.

I often work with elders. I do not use words like elderly or old people, because those words do not mean what I am trying to say. To me elder denotes one who is wise, a teacher, one who has had more birthdays than most, and these are the people I spend my days with. Most of the elders I am in relationship with experience forgetfulness. Here are two more key word choices. First experience — using experience feels right for me. Experience means that in a moment in time something is happening. It has not always been the case and it will not always be the case. All I can know is what is true now and experience shows that. I oscillate between forgetfulness, dementia, cognitive change and neurocognitive disorder etc. depending on what I am communicating. We are all forgetful at times so this language does not pathologize. It also allows room for a variety of experiences that are not diagnosable.

These changes make my language more congruent with my experience and shift my perspective to be more in line with my inner wisdom.

I invite you to begin to watch words, to mean what you say and say what you mean.

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Tags: Ageism Aging education language person-centered psychology stigma

Published to: Ageism, Culture Change, Disrupting Dementia on May 16, 2017

About the Author

  • Kyrié Carpenter, Managing Editor

    Kyrié’s passion for story has lead her to a career in film, studies in Depth Psychology, and ultimately to her work with aging. She has her masters in counseling psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute. Her thesis, PLAYful Aging: Embracing the Inevitable, explored the Anti-Aging myth in America and major neurocognitive disorders/ dementia as an embodiment of the trickster archetype and its facilitation of growth on a cultural level via the integration of elders into American society. Kyrié did her practicum in San Francisco at Age Song/ Pacific Institute's Gerontological Wellness program. She continues to learn shares her observations through work with clients as a coach and counselor, speaking at conferences and workshops and through writing. Skillshare Classes: Available Here Website: www.croneintraining.com Twitter: @CroneTraining

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Laura Knox says

    November 12, 2017 at 6:05 pm

    Good Evening! My name is Laura and I’m a senior at UMBC taking an aging course AGNG 320 at the Erickson School of Aging. I was instantly drawn to this blog right away with buzzwords like “Stigma”, and “Negative word choice.” I feel it’s so important to become more mindful in our words, and more importantly how they may come across collectively, especially with our ‘wiser’, and ‘elderly’ adults. In my course, we often discuss the importance of the individual as a whole and how we are contributing as healthcare providers on the aging adults’ well-being. This clearly starts with us, our word choices, our overall attitudes and how our energy is coming across. As I’ve previously brought up in class the individual is very susceptible to how others treat and view them. I particularly am drawn to mental health and such illnesses as dementia, psychosis, and other mental health disorders that could affect the aging individual.
    I often find many individuals within the healthcare field as caregivers using more negative language when speaking about aging patients, and they’ve been so conditioned the more derogatory terminology. I think blog’s like this one are so important to bring relevance and understanding to ultimately change the experiences for everyone involved. Great read! Thanks so much!

  2. Bill Jacobs says

    May 21, 2017 at 4:19 pm

    Have we visited with AARP about the usage of the word “elder” vs. the usage of the word “senior”?

  3. Susan Macaulay says

    May 16, 2017 at 4:12 pm

    Yes, and I am becoming more and more mindful as I grow wiser, as opposed to older 😛

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