Zen Monk Martin Bayne, 1971In Japan, some married couples — when faced with advancing age and the “empty nest” syndrome — choose to spend their final years in Buddhist monasteries.
The monastic environment offers a number of advantages:
In a like-minded community of both young and old trainees, ambient despair (the disability, dementia and depression that exist in an aging secular community) appears with much lower frequency. (anecdotal)
Because zazen (meditation – sitting quietly) is integrated into every aspect of a trainee’s life, this simple, but powerful tool – after diligent practice – fills every moment of the trainee’s life. Thus, there is no need to “kill time” with hours of Bingo and Pinochle. Time itself becomes infinitely valuable.
Trainees ultimately learn that everyone: Buddhist, Hindu and Atheist alike possess the Buddha Nature — our original, primal nature. Therefore, it’s no surprise that when fellow monks become old and infirm, they still retain value. This is when long term care takes on a new dynamic. People, regardless of their level of ADL failure, are treated with respect and compassion.
Everyone dies, yet to grow to grow old and not know who you are — this is the profound sadness of “world mind.”
And while it is tempting to cast blame on “evil corporations” and “reckless REITs” for imperfect SNFs and CCRCs, rarely do these equations balance. Seniors are rarely held accountable for their lack of determination and vision. Our parents are not helpless victims and it’s time we stopped treating them as such, world mind or not.
In fact, we are told by a prominent and highly-respected geriatrician that the three plagues of growing old are loneliness, helplessness and boredom.
I respectfully disagree.
If you have not conquered loneliness, helplessness and boredom by the time you begin to “grow old,” chances are, you never will.
When was the last time you stumbled on an 85-year-old entrepreneur discussing a new start-up opportunity?
The answer is — yesterday, Warren Buffett, ‘the Oracle of Omaha.’
What’s my point? Just this . . .Does Mr. Buffett impress you as a lonely, helpless and bored Octogenarian?
No? Me neither. (In fact, I know Zen Buddhist monks who would be envious of his courage, joy and ‘life in the moment’ commitment).
There will always be those — young and old — who hunger and thirst in a valley of sadness and suffering. That is the nature of life on this planet.
And there will always be those who, despite almost impossible odds, choose the life of a true warrior.
Which road will you travel?
Originally published by The Voice of the Aging Boomers.
I have many ideas for this issue as well, which I would love to share with Dr.Bill Thomas
Once again, in my development throughout every stage in my life, someone is “suggesting” my next move through this journey. I am not in total agreement with some of his comments, but in total alignment with the concept. No bingo for me, please!
Ann, Unless someone gives me a large stack of dead presidents, and signs a Waiver of Suggestion form in triplicate, I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut on issues related to ANYONE’S journey. Gasho, Martin
I think the baby boomers of our age will be all over this. My experience with the current population of Elders (6000 plus over my career) is that they have not had a path of enlightenment that would encourage them to be empowered. There are a few role models, but remembering that most of their parents died at 55- 60 years old. That avoids lots of problems concerning aging. We have new problems to solve (and we will) because we live longer.
Great perspective!
What a beautiful phrase, “ambient despair” (and so perfectly descriptive, too). For quite a while I’ve had a phrase running through my mind: “neural serenity.” Seeing it now as ambient despair’s opposite.
“Seniors are rarely held accountable for their lack of determination and vision.” What an arresting thought! Thank you …
Great article..
Please update your photo,.. we want very much to see the 2015 version of you at your best and brightest
Very thought-provoking and validating piece. We should not continue to “victimize” older adults by labeling “aging” as a time of despair, helplessness, etc. We, older adults, control our longevity and should hold ourselves accountable for changing attitudes and actions … and ageism.
Martin you are sooooo right. Viktor Frankl taught me that FREEDOM = RESPONSIBILITY. Age is irrelevant to attitudes we choose.
It’s a crying shame that in our culture, older people are relegated to bingo parlors and golf courses in our final years—years when the wisdom we have gained can do much to enrich and improve the world. It’s true that no one is forcing us to withdraw into a state of loneliness, helplessness and boredom, but it takes financial security, an educated mind, and imagination to stay focused in these fast changing times, and actually choose a way to live productively and be a warrior. The internet is a nuisance to many, but I believe it is a tool that will help older people to become engaged in life, and find some meaning. Looking inward, as you suggest, is clearly one way to change current attitudes of elders—reaching out for information and connection via the internet is another. The current trend toward experiencing an early retirement and spending decades in self indulgence is appalling, I agree.