The Anti-Aging perspective wields tremendous influence over our culture. If you are over 50 and you look at yourself in the mirror the first thought that comes into your mind is most likely related to the anti-aging worldview. The idealization of youth is ubiquitous so it is hardly surprising that we would find it between our own ears as well.
Some people, of course, go much deeper into the world of anti-aging than momentary worries about crow’s feet and graying hair. Women, in particular, are strongly encouraged to eliminate or at least disguise the signs of normal human aging. Wherever there is worry, insecurity and fear, we also find people and companies who are eager to exploit those emotions for their own gain. These are the merchants of fear and they never seem to run short of the next great “hope in a bottle” that will defeat aging forever– only $59.99 for a limited time only!
Traveling in my usual circles I don’t often encounter people who make their living provoking fears about aging. Recently however, one such merchant of fear did catch my attention. He is an MD and his practice seems to consist entirely of promoting and providing his patients with “aesthetic medicine.” I took a close look at his website and felt a wave of revulsion sweep over me. It struck me as a combination of flagrant fear-mongering and cheap commercialization. Then I saw a picture of the doctor in question– male, officious and, it seemed to me, he looked quite old.
Now around these parts we accept aging as a virtue, as a time of growth and development so saying that someone is old is not perjorative. Indeed, elders are viewed with respect here at ChangingAging.org. That’s when it hit me this old-looking doctor was, essentially, preying upon the fears of young women to sell them treatments that do not work.
How can I say that they don’t work? Easy– look at the picture of the guy who is selling them. If his nostrums actually worked, he would be using them himself and he would look as young as the models in his advertisements!
I reached out and advised this doctor to do just that.
He took offense. He deemed my comments on his aging to be entirely out of bounds even as he freely advised women that they needed his services if they were going to hold back the terrible ravages of their own aging.
I wrote to him:
“We are both old people. Is it not wise for us to be kind for ourselves? Embrace your age!”
Ashton Applewhite got involved in the back and forth and offered these wise words:
“Beauty and aging co-exist. And if you’re not aging, you’re dead.”
I reminded this doctor that:
“My pointing out that you look old is not an insult! It’s a compliment. You and I are getting older every day. Enjoy!”
This exchange seemed to kind of blow his mind. I honestly believe that he did not know how to deal with a positive view of aging. The idea that aging could be a good and honorable thing also represented a clear threat to him and his business. If he came to embrace his own aging, how would he be able to continue flogging his anti-aging potions to emotionally vulnerable people?
And yet, every single day this anti-aging doctor and I both wake up— one day older.
The day will come when he will no longer be able to credibly espouse the bunkum of the day, when his young, fearful patients will be repulsed by his flabby, wrinkled skin and he will know the truth. On that day, we will be here, journeying into our own old age, and he will come to our door and find it standing open. And he will be invited inside, invited to join us all on a shared voyage of discovery.
Hello,
I am an AGNG 200 student from the Erickson School of Aging and came across this blog as an assignment for one of our weekly discussions. I enjoyed reading your blog post Punching a Hole – In Their World for I believe it hits spot on regarding one of the main problems with the “anti-aging” market. The majority of the various age groups of our society has truly been brainwashed into adopting the anti-aging perspective. With the media constantly reinforcing the concept that youthfulness is to be esteemed while old age is to be avoided it is not hard for one to understand why this is the case. Besides the blatant ageism that can be found in this perspective, this outlook on aging also neglects to recognize the benefits that can be associated with older age. Practical life experience, wisdom, understanding, insight, development of character are all priceless gems that typically can only come with years of experience. These qualities can never be bought in a bottle or acquired through a procedure from a plastic surgeon. It is important to note that some areas of society have been slowly taking a direction away from the anti-aging perspective and have begun to expand the concept of beauty. This can be seen in movements such as Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty.
One of the things I appreciate about a well run intergenerational day care is the symbiotic relationship between the child and the elder with dementia. I observed the elders assisting, and guiding, the youngsters with their projects, and visa versa. It was helping both feel empowered and nurtured. This was an elegant solution for a senior who’s dementia has altered his/her perception of what is needed, and valued, for him/her in particular, in that moment.
That being said, as a Long Term Care Ombudsman I am constantly fighting the infantilization of seniors in, and out of, long term care facilities. It’s so easy to remove all credibility just by associating the word, Dementia, or confusion, with someone of a certain age.
It is also a constant battle to find the right verbiage to communicate the message of the true advocate, without having someone pounce to alter one’s message just enough to make their own message feel like a higher purpose. I believe that everyone responding to this site is working to be a true advocate, and that’s amazing.
What if all the companies and people who sell anti-aging products “donated” 5 cents of every dollar they made to better funding for aging services in our country?
The only problem is that we, in our later years, are as wise as our parents were. Young people think, have thought and will think we’re worthless until the reality of their aging becomes evident in their mirrors, and they say what we’re saying here. Since time immemorial this has been the case. Technology simply makes it easier to talk about.
Hi Bill. How about making this a 180 degree turn–around – not just poking a hole? Not to say this is not a valuable thrust. Instead of “what can we do for THEM (old people who need things), “how about”how can we open the door to mining the enormous untapped resource that exists in us – the older folk (at 79, I am one of this 70 million and growing number). Think of what a turn-around from: “poor things, what can we do for them – (with the follow up of ‘gee, we can’t afford that, how can we cut services) to a turn-around to let’s take advantage of the accrued wisdom, experience, available time, etc. that “we” have.
Keep up the good work, Bill. Take this next step with your wonderful talent and abilities. And when you are ready, welcome into this community.
Arthur Rashap
I’m with you. Its easier to tear down, lots harder to build up.
“Today, the evidence is all around us that youth is bonded with patriarchy in the enslavement of the older woman. There would, in fact, be no youth culture without the powerless older woman. There can be no leisure elite consuming class unless it is off the back of someone. The older woman is who the younger women are better than—who they are more powerful than and who is compelled to serve them. This is not true of men; older men still have power, power to be president, power to be Walter Cronkhite, and power to marry younger women. Men are not the servants of youth, older women are.”
—Barbara Macdonald 1983
Good post Dr. Thomas. I have been following your tours, your blog posts, along with Dr. Power also.
Thank you for doing all the wonderful things you do for those with dementia and aging. I have 4 immediate family members with dementia and am a caregiver to one. I look in the mirror and I see wrinkles and old age and I tell myself, I earned every one of those wrinkles and I am keeping them.
God bless you, keep up the good work.
Bravo! Your kindness and honesty towards those who need enlightenment is refreshing and a great example to all who strive to pull back the veil of ageism.
Maybe we should stop using our energy to “punch holes” and direct it instead towards ways in which elderhood can be more strongly supported so it recognizes its own value.
Lets think about things elders need and find creative ways to provide answers so being older is in fact valued. Being old is looked down upon because it is in reality a time when things are taken away, health, job, independence, meaningfulness… Some of these things we have little control over, but others can be augmented. We won’t make aging valued by ranting against those that belittle it. However, if you can take the fear out of loosing some independence by suggesting new ways of thinking about living accomodations and/or propose changes that allow elders to play valued roles in society (NOT just volunteering), then aging will take on a different significance. One only wants the mask of youth because it signifies the “good things.” Feeling proud of the mask of age has to represent lots of positive things before it will be valued.
I wish changingaging would shift its focus away from the negative — on what is wrong with society’s view of aging — and towards the positive — what are the things that we can do to make elderhood really great.
Your comment really resonated with me.