“I learned the truth at seventeen That love was meant for beauty queens And high school girls with clear-skinned smiles Who married young and then retired”
Now that she is 63 things seem… different.
From her fascinating and delightfully occasional email newsletter:
I’m slowly coming to the conclusion that what I could accomplish at 23, I can not accomplish at 63… In fact, this has been a year of acknowledging that I am no longer 23, or even 43…
For all the wonderful things age is bringing – – perspective, both on the past and the present… – gratitude, because I know how bad it could be… – depth, of a different kind than I had in my youth… – knowledge that fear is usually my own creation, not the outside world’s.
For all of that, there are an awful lot of down sides. I can’t run with my dog until we both drop from exhaustion. I can’t do two shows a night. I can’t mow the lawn myself, or buy the biggest size at Costco because it’s three cents cheaper but weighs 40 pounds.
Most of all, I can’t pretend I’m young. And sometimes that hurts! In my mind’s eye, I am young! Full of boundless energy and optimism. Skinny. If I put on a few pounds, I can take them off in a few days. I can play three shows a night at the Main Point for a full week, hang with friends before and after, then wake up early, feeling fine. Oh, I miss those days… What don’t I miss? My lack of patience. I always felt like something was gaining on me, and if I didn’t move fast enough, I’d never accomplish anything with my life…
Janis Ian — photo by Peter Cunningham
My rush to judgment. I used to see the world in black and white, and I damned well knew what was right and what was wrong. Now, there’s more grey in the picture, and I’m not so certain any more.
I’m being forced to realize that there will always be a zillion things I want to do, and I’ll just get to a tiny percentage of them. I don’t beat myself up over that any longer. In fact, I barely beat myself up over anything, any more.
Perhaps the wisdom of your elder years is that you can afford, once in a while, to let things slide. To take a deep breath, look up from your work, and notice that among the flowers you haven’t pruned, there’s a baby rabbit trying its best to fit the entire garden in its mouth. And to accept that often, what masquerades as laziness is just the intelligence to know thatnot pruning those flowers has provided a very good meal for one tiny being.
The learning, the growth, the discovery they all gain depth and richness even as what we KNEW when we were seventeen slowly recedes into a past that while certainly gone, can not and should not be forgotten.
Bill is a visionary leader in the online Changing Aging movement and a world-renowned authority on geriatric medicine and eldercare. Bill is founder of two movements to reshape long-term care globally – The Eden Alternative and Green House Project. He is currently traveling the country influencing culture change with the ChangingAging Tour.
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Reader Interactions
Comments
andiandini dinisays
I’ve been a huge fan of Janis Ian since my teens. We are the same age and I always identified with her teenage angst. But, while I, too, am enjoying this stage of life, she’s pretty much lost me on this one. I STILL run with my dog until we both drop with exhaustion. I don’t do shows, but I STILL work 8 to 10 hour days and still have enough energy to come home and play with my two young kids. I’m no body builder, but I can certainly lug a 40 pounder out of Costco if need be. Not only that, but I still swim, surf, play tennis and do pretty much all the things I’ve always enjoyed doing. Am I just pretending to still be young?
Dr. Thomas – I am an Aging 200 student at the Erickson School. I appreciate this post because it is transparent in sharing the wisdom of years. If only those of us a few years younger would take the lessons learned from our senior population and apply them to our lives, our lives would be richer and fuller. We often need help remembering to appreciate the world around us and remember not to beat ourselves up so much. Our place in this world sometimes seems trivial but our every breath, moment and our very being plays an integral part in society that we need to be aware of.
Hello Dr. Thomas, I am currently an AGING 200 student at the Erickson School of Aging. Your recent blog entry entitled “I Learned the truth at 63” was an eye-opening read for me. As I go through my adolescent years my mindset is that I always know every answer. To me I am always right and not even my elders, who have experienced so much more, can prove me wrong. I agree with this post because aging is a big part of our lives and as we age, we want our bodies to have the same capabilities that we had when we were young, but unfortunately our bodies do not perform the way we want. The older generation will always be the wiser generation because they have experience. The older generation has been through life and has gone through the situations that the younger generation is and will be going through. In my aging class, we recently discussed the effects of normal aging and its effect on wisdom. As we age, our bodies tend to slow down and we may tend to forget, however our wisdom increases. The older we get, the more we experience in life. When we are young, we know nothing. We may think we know it all but in reality it is those who have been through life who know it all. Those people, the older generation, are the people with the most wisdom. A person of the younger generation can gain endless intelligence from a conversation with one of their elders. A conversation with those who are aging keeps them engaged which is important because as we age we tend to feel useless. The more engaged one is, the more important they will feel, and the conversation will then be beneficial for both.
I agree with your post. Aging is a big part of life. We all want to have the same reaction, vision, hearing, etc that we would have at an early age during our late stages of life, but unfortunately, that’s physically impossible. This article explains the difficulties of getting older and how you should cope with it as you get older.
“I Learned the Truth at 63,” is a very interesting post that teaches all a very important lesson. Many times we think we know everything and the best way to do something. Often we are wrong. We also tend to view the older generation as outdated and think they are unable to help us. Yet, as proven from this point although physically they may be less capable, they have developed certain qualities that are crucial and beneficial. For example, the ability to view something objectively. Also, they have had many experiences/problems during their lifetime; and probably have learned a tremendous amount from them and developed different solution. As the saying goes, “History repeats itself,” so your problem may be very similar to theirs, and why not seek their advice how to solve it? In Aging class, we learned about the effects of aging on wisdom. Although some people may become more forgetful as they age, research relates that one’s crystallized intelligence increases. This is exactly what we need. We can be creative, but we need their intelligence gained through experience to help evaluate if our creativity will be successful. We also discussed that often as people age they begin to feel useless. Therefore, by engaging them and asking for their advice, we will both benefit.
I’ve been a huge fan of Janis Ian since my teens. We are the same age and I always identified with her teenage angst. But, while I, too, am enjoying this stage of life, she’s pretty much lost me on this one. I STILL run with my dog until we both drop with exhaustion. I don’t do shows, but I STILL work 8 to 10 hour days and still have enough energy to come home and play with my two young kids. I’m no body builder, but I can certainly lug a 40 pounder out of Costco if need be. Not only that, but I still swim, surf, play tennis and do pretty much all the things I’ve always enjoyed doing. Am I just pretending to still be young?
Janis Ian — photo by Peter Cunningham
I’ve been a huge fan of Janis Ian since my teens. We are the same age and I always identified with her teenage angst. But, while I, too, am enjoying this stage of life, she’s pretty much lost me on this one. I STILL run with my dog until we both drop with exhaustion. I don’t do shows, but I STILL work 8 to 10 hour days and still have enough energy to come home and play with my two young kids. I’m no body builder, but I can certainly lug a 40 pounder out of Costco if need be. Not only that, but I still swim, surf, play tennis and do pretty much all the things I’ve always enjoyed doing. Am I just pretending to still be young?
Dr. Thomas – I am an Aging 200 student at the Erickson School. I appreciate this post because it is transparent in sharing the wisdom of years. If only those of us a few years younger would take the lessons learned from our senior population and apply them to our lives, our lives would be richer and fuller. We often need help remembering to appreciate the world around us and remember not to beat ourselves up so much. Our place in this world sometimes seems trivial but our every breath, moment and our very being plays an integral part in society that we need to be aware of.
Hello Dr. Thomas, I am currently an AGING 200 student at the Erickson School of Aging. Your recent blog entry entitled “I Learned the truth at 63” was an eye-opening read for me. As I go through my adolescent years my mindset is that I always know every answer. To me I am always right and not even my elders, who have experienced so much more, can prove me wrong. I agree with this post because aging is a big part of our lives and as we age, we want our bodies to have the same capabilities that we had when we were young, but unfortunately our bodies do not perform the way we want. The older generation will always be the wiser generation because they have experience. The older generation has been through life and has gone through the situations that the younger generation is and will be going through.
In my aging class, we recently discussed the effects of normal aging and its effect on wisdom. As we age, our bodies tend to slow down and we may tend to forget, however our wisdom increases. The older we get, the more we experience in life. When we are young, we know nothing. We may think we know it all but in reality it is those who have been through life who know it all. Those people, the older generation, are the people with the most wisdom. A person of the younger generation can gain endless intelligence from a conversation with one of their elders. A conversation with those who are aging keeps them engaged which is important because as we age we tend to feel useless. The more engaged one is, the more important they will feel, and the conversation will then be beneficial for both.
I agree with your post. Aging is a big part of life. We all want to have the same reaction, vision, hearing, etc that we would have at an early age during our late stages of life, but unfortunately, that’s physically impossible. This article explains the difficulties of getting older and how you should cope with it as you get older.
“I Learned the Truth at 63,” is a very interesting post that teaches all a very important lesson. Many times we think we know everything and the best way to do something. Often we are wrong. We also tend to view the older generation as outdated and think they are unable to help us. Yet, as proven from this point although physically they may be less capable, they have developed certain qualities that are crucial and beneficial. For example, the ability to view something objectively. Also, they have had many experiences/problems during their lifetime; and probably have learned a tremendous amount from them and developed different solution. As the saying goes, “History repeats itself,” so your problem may be very similar to theirs, and why not seek their advice how to solve it?
In Aging class, we learned about the effects of aging on wisdom. Although some people may become more forgetful as they age, research relates that one’s crystallized intelligence increases. This is exactly what we need. We can be creative, but we need their intelligence gained through experience to help evaluate if our creativity will be successful. We also discussed that often as people age they begin to feel useless. Therefore, by engaging them and asking for their advice, we will both benefit.
I’ve been a huge fan of Janis Ian since my teens. We are the same age and I always identified with her teenage angst. But, while I, too, am enjoying this stage of life, she’s pretty much lost me on this one. I STILL run with my dog until we both drop with exhaustion. I don’t do shows, but I STILL work 8 to 10 hour days and still have enough energy to come home and play with my two young kids. I’m no body builder, but I can certainly lug a 40 pounder out of Costco if need be. Not only that, but I still swim, surf, play tennis and do pretty much all the things I’ve always enjoyed doing. Am I just pretending to still be young?
Wonderul article and I bet she doesn;t still feel love is meant for beauty queens and high school girls with clear-skinned smiles! Amen!