Image Credit: postsecret.com a blog where people send in their secrets anonymously on the back of a post card. This image depicts a facet of internalized agism in our culture namely that our beauty has an expiration date.
“I feel so old.” “You look so young.” “ I can’t do that anymore, I am old now.” “She was much younger than I expected.” “Oh boy I am getting old.”
I dare you to say what you mean by ‘young’ or ‘old.’
Agism cuts both ways, discriminating against both the so-called ‘young’ and ‘old,’ and turns these two seemingly innocuous words into pejoratives. When ‘young’ and ‘old’ are used colloquially rather than as they were intended (as comparative markers of time) they become profane.
Definition of Young & Old
Young: Being in an early period of life, development, or growth.
Old: Having lived or existed for a relatively long time; far advanced in years or life.
When I was a child, my father cautioned me against the use of profanity. He implored me that the use of profanity shows a lack of vocabulary and precision of language. For example, when someone says, “Oh Sh*t,” they do not mean “Oh fecal matter.” Profanity is commonly used in place of more precise language. As a lover of words and precision, it was many years before I integrated any sort of profanity into my vernacular. When a word’s usage covers a broad array of differing meanings of a disrespectful nature the words move from a verbal representation of a concept into the realm of the profane. ‘Young’ and ‘old’ have become cultural profanity.
What if when you or someone you hear uses either of these terms, you employed a sense of curiosity and asked, “What do you mean by ‘young/old?’” This is not a matter of word-policing or political correctness. No, this is a matter of the reduction of suffering in our world, a world fraught with ageism (don’t take my word for it – read Ashton Applewhite’s manifesto, This Chair Rocks). Ageism demeans, isolates and shames us; it induces suffering. The most insidious form of agism is internalized agism. This is when we are ageist toward ourselves – believing we are less-than because of how many times we have gone around the sun. Much of internalized ageism is unconscious: we do not even know we are demeaning ourselves in this way. There is hope; this suffering can be alleviated through curiosity.
What we think becomes what we say. What we say informs how we act. How we act becomes who we are. If we get curious about what we think and subsequently say, we begin to make the unconscious conscious. (Again, don’t take my word for it – google mindfulness.) When the unconscious become conscious it shifts, not from a direct effort, but from observation. Using ‘young’ and ‘old’ in a profane way is a manifestation of unconscious internalized ageism. By noticing this and getting curious about the intended meaning of ‘young’ or ‘old,’ at the very least, we are making a move from unconscious to conscious. This shift can also expose that, just as with other profanity, the dictionary definition nor the colloquial meanings of the word ‘young’ or ‘old’ are not expressive of our true intent. One final effect of this small language shift is that by using a greater precision of language we are no longer adding to cultural ageism by doing our part to remove ‘young’ and ‘old’ used pejoratively from the current vernacular.
Here is an example. In yoga today, the teacher remarked in a tone of exasperation, “I’m old now – I don’t just flop over into these poses like I used to.” My partner (having heard me go on and on about the insidious nature of using young and old pejoratively) invoked curiosity by asking her compassionately, “What do you mean by ‘old?’” She looked taken-aback and paused a moment before responding, “I guess I mean that I know my body better now and I treat it better.” To which my partner responded, “That sounds pretty wise.” The teacher’s entire demeanor changed from one of self-deprecation to a quiet glow of wisdom and pride. By asking ourselves what we mean by ‘young’ or ‘old,’ space is opened for new possibilities around the concepts of age in our society. Just as our yoga teacher offers adjustments for us in her class and to open up space in our bodies, a bit of curiosity can open space in our psyches. This is just one example; I notice myself and others using ‘young’ and ‘old’ in this profane way many, many, many times a day. Will you join me on a curious quest in battling ageism by asking, “What do you mean by ‘old’?’”
Hi Kyrié, my name is Phoebe and I am currently an AGNG 320 student at the Erickson School of Aging. I enjoyed reading your insightful post. It has heightened my awareness about how we, as people, have perceptions about ourselves that can have a profound impact on our daily lives. We view “old” and “young” as having different sets of limitations and we tend to follow those beliefs and stereotypes. For myself, as a 21 year old, I have had a few older individuals trivialize my input because I am seen as young and inexperienced. There have also been times where I avoid participating in certain activities because I feel I have “outgrown” them. These two factors have hindered my self-confidence at times and I imagine it would do the same for older generations. I have witnessed elders being infantilized by younger adults that refer to them “sweetie” many times in public areas. This form of treatment implies that they are regarded as helpless or incompetent. Older adults often state that they are “too old” for certain tasks. They neglect activities they enjoy or that would help them live actively and it can affect them greatly. For example, some people neglect exercise because they have let their perceptions of age define them, and it resulted in their decline. Others repeatedly state that they “look so old” and feel insecure. I feel that this is due to society’s standards of beauty and how women should invest in anti-aging products because “looking old” is terrible and makes you undesirable. As Haber (2013) stated, “Antiagers deliver a clear message that aging is a disease that needs to be cured – at least cosmetically and temporarily” (p. 26). Other media outlets almost always portray older adults in a negative light – weak, disabled, helpless, demented, etc. As a society, I feel we should really learn to embrace and be empowered by being “young” or “old” and learn more about the abilities of both age groups. We focus a lot of our attention on negative attributes and do not allow ourselves to indulge the positives. “We need a proaging movement…that emphasizes the healthy aspects of aging and the benefits that accrue with age” (Haber, 2013). The Boomers are constantly defying aging by starting new hobbies, new careers, new businesses, engaging in sports/exercise, obtaining degrees, and many other activities that are often unrecognized. This kind of movement would definitely allow positive indulgence and eliminate a lot of the stereotypes that are present.
Haber, D. (2013). Health Promotion and Aging: Practical Applications for Health Professionals (6th ed.). New York, NY: Springer Publishing Company.
You have well enough research .. hats off
I appreciate the awareness of internalized ageism that this article presents and I’d like to share it on the Facebook page for our organization. However, I’m disturbed by the ageist image that accompanies it. Is the older woman no longer beautiful? Is beauty only an attribute of the young? Our membership is primarily aged 60+. What message am I giving them if I post this image?
Pauline,
Thank you for drawing attention to this. That image is from PostSecret, a blog where people send their deepest darkest secret anonymously. I used the image because it shows how deeply internalized our agism is in our culture. This woman’s biggest secret is that she “was beautiful too” the agism is two-fold in that she no longer feels beautiful because of time and that she feels it is a secret that she was beautiful. In a world without agism the caption would read “I am beautiful too” and it would not be a secret! I will add a comment below the image to clarify
Thanks for the response, Kyrie. I appreciate the information on the source of the image. With that qualifier, I will post it on our facebook page (OLLIatSOU). Thanks for raising the issue.
As an aside, I’m looking forward to hearing Bill Thomas speak at the OLLI Conference in April (assuming Texas doesn’t pass its discriminatory “bathroom bill” before then).
In my classes, I ask the students “Sally, is 5 years old today. What is she likely doing?” “Playing with dolls…” is a common response. I continue this questioning until we have mapped Sally’s life all the way to “Sally is 65 what is she likely doing?” The common answer is “Retiring…” When I ask “Sally is 75 what is she likely doing?” you can here the crickets, and of course at 85 the students really have nothing to offer. I point out that we just mapped out someone’s entire life course and we don’t even know anything about Sally. Then we talk about societal expectations and how we are expected to “Act your age!” When I say “Act your age?” how does that make you feel about yourself. My mother-in-law now passed away, wonderful person, would make me chuckle because she would tell me that her memory was shot and then in the next breath she would be reminding me of appointments and so on… It’s sad to think how many people are stunted in their growth because they are “acting their age.”
Absolutely right.
Its silly to say Act your Age to anyone.
Just more ageist bias and sign of ignorance
Hi! I am an Aging Student at the Erickson School of Aging. This article really struck me because up until this point I had largely focused on ageist issues that people direct towards others. It is true that this social construct does all those negative things that you mentioned – we isolate ourselves based on age and ridicule others for their age. But now after reading this I now understand how I actually replicate this behavior to myself as well. As a 21 year old, my life is in a state of change: in terms of quantity, all of those “I’m too young for this” situations are suddenly having competition from the “I’m too old for this” type situations. But of course as a college student I am not yet really a victim of the anti-aging movement. From reading Haber, I realize how much our culture obsesses over combatting signs of aging – the pharmaceutical industry pumps out resources that combat wrinkles, including surgeries and the like. I imagine once I get older and I see my hair go or get some sort of “undesirable” features that come from aging, I will start to criticize myself for not looking so young – more of that self-ageist attitude that we need to erase with a pro-aging movement that Haber points out. I think that the movement should be a bit broader – in finding job at whatever age we are at. And of course, as others have mentioned, there are certain expectations of life events that happen at certain ages. This can contribute to more of that ageist attitude that we have for each other. One of my friends is 22 years old and doesn’t yet have his license – he constantly laments himself for “being the only 22 year old to not have his license” despite the fact that he gets around on public transportation just fine. I think that taking pressure off ourselves – by thinking that we don’t have to necessarily fill some age norms – will go a long way in becoming a happier population.
Yes, yes, yes. Thank you for sharing your insights! Thwarting agism in our culture is a multi-generational effort!
Hi Kyriè, I am an AGNG 320 student at the Erickson School of Aging and I really liked your post. I am 19 years old and I experience on a daily basis how my friends and other people around me use profanities all the time. An example that relates to this topic is when people use the word “retarded” every time they want to say the look dumb doing something or when they do something wrong. Using the word “retarded” as you explained, turns an unconscious word into a pejorative. I try to change the behavior of others by pointing it out saying that that is not a nice thing to say. With that being said I totally agree when you say that we help change the mindset of other people towards aging. While studying for Aging 320, I learned that elders can do so much more than we believe. Society often see them as a burden, however; they are so much more than that. They are involved in physical activities, they travel to explore the world, they even take classes to learn about different topics. If we start appreciating the old adults, instead of saying “I am getting old” in a derogatory way can say it and be proud of being wiser and being as good as anyone can be.
Hello! My name is Armando, I am an AGNG 320 student at the Erickson School of Aging. I feel like there is a lot of discrimination towards how old someone is. In today’s society there seems to be a standard of where or what point someone should be in there life depending how old they are. For example, by 17-18 you should graduate high school, around 22-24 you should be at the point where you have most if not schooling finished and starting your career. People expect older adults around 40 years old to have their life more put together than a 25 year old. At 18 you’re considered “legal” at 21 you’re a young adult. The sayings “oh you are too young for this”, but people sometimes forget that age just symbolizes the years you have been here, not everything you have been through. A 23 year old could have been through much more life changing experiences then a 54 year old. With any age there seems to be a standard or expectation of where you should be in life, and feel like that really puts people under stress sometimes.
I am a student from The Erickson School of Aging. You made a lot of good points. The terms “old” and “young” are used with negative connotation. Especially “old.” In class, we talked heavily about how words and saying related to “old” are negative when they shouldn’t be. Such terms are weak, sick, and fail. Same for young. As a 21 year old myself, I am sometimes told I am “too young” to understand or “too young” to do something. Most people do not understand the power of language and how words can affect people. This post shed light on an issue that goes unnoticed too often.
Haber, David. Health Promotion and Aging: Practical Applications for Health Professionals. New York: Springer Pub., 2010. Print.
Hi Kyrié! I am a student from AGNG 320 at the Erickson School of Aging. Wow, your analysis of the words “old” and “young” have resonated with me and i can actually see and agree with the fact that they have truly become “cultural profanity”. I agree with you, what we think really becomes our reality. If we think that we are capable and do not unreasonably limit ourselves, we will be able to accomplish what we would have instead thought to be impossible. I think we unconsciously make our reality what it is through our beliefs and our behaviors. I think if a person thinks that they are capable and can do whatever it is that they set their minds to then they will surely be able to accomplish it. But if they think they are just old and unable then they influence how they act and in turn their ability and performance. But the behavior that many display about their age is due to society and how it defines what is old and what an old person is capable of doing. As a society, we limit the older generation and what their abilities are. This reminds me of the Anti-Old and Anti-Aging part of David Habers Health Promotion and Aging where Haber Says, “we need a pro-aging movement, one that emphasizes the healthy aspects of aging and the benefits that accrue with age. No longer needing to impress employers, in-laws, or peers, older adults are free to be themselves” (Haber, 27). In creating such a movement, maybe it will be possible to be able to have a positive thinking about the process of aging that would therefore liberate the older generation. Through a movement that allows society to change their viewpoint on the aging community, maybe people experiencing aging will be able to see that they don’t have to define their behavior by the belief of society and change how they think about themselves which will therefore influence their aging process.
Haber, David. Health Promotion and Aging: Practical Applications for Health Professionals. New York: Springer Pub., 2010. Print.
Hello, I am an AGNG 320 student at the Erickson School of Aging. The one thing I really enjoyed about this excerpt was in regard to the power of word choice, and how the terms “young” and “old” are often used with a negative connotation. Most people do not understand the power of language and its impact. The terms “old” and “young” are frequently used as a way to not only restrict a person to a certain preconception, but also used as a way to be dismissive. As a twenty-two year old, I am often told “You’re young, you would not understand.” or “You’re too young to say that your back hurts.” In terms of the example you provided, many older adults are faced with ageism on a daily basis. Ageism is a concept that has been studied throughout the duration of this course. According to David Haber (2013) Erdman Palmore suggested that most of the synonyms for “old” are unhealthy in some way- words like debilitated, infirm, and frail. This post definitely changes the way the two terms are perceived.
Hello, I am an AGNG 320 student at the Erickson School of Aging. After reading your post I found your content quite interesting. I’m 26 years old and I admit that our perceptions of the terms young and old have shifted. I’ve personally told people younger than me that say they’re tired that they can’t be because they’re younger than I am. I normally add to that that I should be tired, I’m older than you. I find it funny how subjective the words “young” and “old” are. I do think these terms have started becoming words to hurt others and show either we think of a lack of maturity (for those young) or a lack in a person’s ability (for those old). In my class we learned that “most of the synonyms for old are unhealthy in some way-words like deliberated, infirm, and frail. Older adult, on the other hand, is a more neutral term; and perhaps the term elder connotes an even healthier role for older persons in society” (Haber, 2013, p. 26). Regarding your post, I understand more now that you never know how the terms a person uses can affect someone and more than that just because a person’s age may be higher or lower than your own doesn’t mean they lack an ability/understanding of the world around them.
Haber PhD, D. (2013). Health Promotion and Aging: Practical Application for Health Professionals (6th ed). New York: Springer Publishing Company
Kyrie, as an older person at 62 I appreciate your articles goal trying to get all of us to STOP and ask the question, What do you mean by old? I often refer to myself as OLD on purpose to get other peoples reactions and better understand their bias one way or the other and so its a GAME for me. What do you think of my game approach young lady??