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  1. Patti Winker
    Patti Winker at | | Reply

    Quoting author Mitch Albom: “When death takes your mother, it steals that word forever.”

    My Dad died at age 62. My Mom died at age 80. I was grateful to have my Mom for as long as I did, but the pain of losing her was still so devastating. Even though I can be thankful for having her with me for so long, the grief takes over at times. It’s a battle.

    I understand your initial reaction to mid-life orphans bemoaning the loss of their parents. I bemoan mid-life children who struggle with caring for their aging parents because I never had the privilege.

    I can understand how the pain of not growing up with a father would be triggered by seeing fathers and daughters together, sharing moments you never got to experience. I think time and aging intensifies the longing… it doesn’t soften it.

    I was touched by your memories of the last mothering you received. Like you said, it was probably just as important to your mother to be able to mother you as it was to you to be mothered. I remember the last phone conversation I had with my Mom. Those are moments that are beyond expression.

    Even though I had my Mom until she was 80, I still wish for one more day. There is never enough time. My Gramma (Mom’s mother) lived to be 86. I wish I could have had those 6 years with my Mom that Mom had with hers. Isn’t it all so crazy? One day. Six years. Twenty years. We always long for more.

    I am grateful for all the time I had with my Mom. My grandkids had a great-grandmother, if even for a few short years. I think not having those memories, those opportunities, must be so painful. I have friends who have lost parents early in their life and they express the same pain as you do as they get older. It’s a longing that is palpable.

    Thank you for sharing your honest feelings about this topic. It’s so good to keep the discussion open. Aging without parents is difficult, and only gets more difficult as time goes by. That’s why it’s so important to talk to others going through similar losses. Thanks again!

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