I know that I have been quiet the past few days but I am now confident enough to write that Jude is getting better— slowly— she is gradually gaining strength. She is sitting in a chair right now. Hooray! I watch her sitting there writing out thank you notes to you all and I know that I love her and that I need her. Her illness has left me with the strange sensation that a part of my self is missing.
Very strange. Very empty.
In terms of elderhood, this episode has been very minor very brief look at the possibility of living life alone. It has also heightened our shared sense of gratitude. Neither of us know how much time we have left or how much time our children have left to live. This terrible uncertainty is currently pushing us toward using this awareness– as painful as it has been— as a prod to living with more gratitude and appreciation. If we succeed in this, even in a small way, then Jude’s illness and gradual recovery could lead us toward that most precious of human attributes—– meaning.