Sally Abrahms, AARP Blogs
A Caregiver’s Hurricane Prep List
Home & FamilyLive in a hurricane area with an older relative? Does your parent or someone else you’re responsible for? The hurricane season is six months long (June 1 to Nov. 30); and you as a caregiver needs a substantive plan. You know how mothers-to-be have their bags packed and their route to the hospital mapped out? If an older adult lives with you, nearby, or at a distance, having the same mindset makes sense. Creating contingency plans—where your family member or …
No Kids, Who Cares?
Home & Family | Your LifeAs boomers care for their parents, or at least watch their friends in the throes, those with no children often wonder, “who will be there for me when I need help?” With one in three boomers never married and some wed without kids, that’s a big question. Typically, it’s the spouse who does much of the caregiving, but with the growing rate of late-life divorce–saying “see ya, partner” after 20+ years of marriage—and women outliving men, that source of support …
9 Need-to-Know Technologies for Caregivers
Home & Family | TechnologyCan you say the Jetsons? Increasingly, family caregivers are getting a helping hand through high-tech products and services. Bone up on these trends: GPS safety technology provides the location of the wearer: devices can be used on the wrist, as a clip-on, or on a pendant. Some cars and smart phones have them – enabling you to speak or touch your desired destination – and see or hear turn-by-turn instructions. Promoted: Join AARP Live’s “Town Hall” on May 17th to …
Robot Caregivers?
Home & Family | TechnologyWith a shortage of caregivers, some researchers and healthcare professionals are turning in a new direction: Robots. A recent Wall Street Journal article discusses the value of Paro, a robot that looks like a baby seal. It’s being tested on dementia and autism patients in long-term facilities, but could also be used at home. That is, if you have $6,000. The Japanese-born Paro has a cry that sounds like a seal—we all know what that is, right?— weighs about the size of …
The Power of Song for Those With Alzheimer’s & Their Caregivers
Home & Family | Personal HealthTired of feeling like the caregiver and wish you and your ailing spouse, parent, or relative could do something fun together outside your “roles”? Twenty-two people, half with early- to middle-stage dementia, the others their family caregivers, feel the same way. So, they are belting out tunes side by side as part of a New York City first-ever chorus known as The Unforgettables. The chorale conductor is a music therapist and musician. It seems to be more than just a …
5 Things Caregiving Employees Should Know
Home & FamilyCompanies are beginning to realize that their eldercare programs—if they even have them—need to be ramped up to better accommodate caregiving employees. And if they don’t, they should get cracking. According to Society for Human Resource Management, the number of employers offering eldercare referrals has taken a dive, from 22 percent in 2007 to 9 percent in 2011. That’s a problem. According to an AARP report, U.S. companies lose more than $33.6 billion a year in lost productivity from full-time …
Reminiscing for the Generations
Home & FamilyHere’s an idea for caregivers: how about capturing the life stories of your spouse, relative or friend? I’ve heard a lot about “legacy videos,” but didn’t know what they entailed. Fast forward to last month. A professional videoproducer named Joe Pagano is smitten with my 92-year-old mother-in-law, Sylvia. He asked my brother-in-law, a good friend, if he would like him to shoot a film of her talking about her life. In assisted living, we watch Joe tape her. My brother-in-law …
When You Don’t Want to Be the Caregiver
Home & Family | RelationshipsWe’re supposed to want to take care of our parents or aging relatives. And, if we don’t want to, we rarely admit it. But what if they treated you terribly (i.e. critical, controlling, demanding) and now you are expected to treat them well? Perhaps you’re no longer close or there’s an unresolved conflict (your father, let’s say, cheated on your mother and doted on his new wife and kids rather than you or there was blatant sibling favoritism.) You’ve kept …
Using Neighborhood Websites for Caregiving
Home & Family | TechnologyThirty-two years ago, when my husband and I moved to our house, we had a memorable introduction to our neighbors. One ran by and said, “I should have brought you something” and kept jogging. I watched from my window as another neighbor across the street fell on her icy walk. I rushed over, asked if she were okay, and told her I was her new neighbor. Her response: “I don’t care!” Since then, we’ve gotten to know nice neighbors—really!— but …
Caregiver Tax Deductions
According to an AARP study, the economic value of U.S. family caregivers for their unpaid contributions in 2009 was around $450 billion. What if there were a way to get tax credits for those good deeds? There might be. You may be able to claim your parent (or grandparent, stepparent, mother- or father-in-law, sibling, step-sibling or half-sibling) as a dependant on your tax return and reduce your taxable income by $3,700. If not, you might qualify for a deduction for …
Bring on the Caregiving Talk!
The email is intriguing: My friend is gathering a group who are grappling with caregiving issues for a brainstorming dinner at her home. She feels overwhelmed, with a job and husband in Boston and very ill parents in Connecticut. Not only do I write about caregivers, but I’ve been one for 14 years straight (first my father, then my mother, now my mother-in-law). I’ve never met the others at the dinner table. At 58, I’m the baby, while one of …
Widowers Stick Together
When you’re a man grieving the death of your wife or partner, casseroles just don’t cut it. They have to deal with their loss and adjust to a different life. In the old days, if you were a guy, you toughed it out by yourself until you “got over” it. Women more typically vent and share their anguish through established venues like support groups. Sure, men can attend too, but often don’t return, finding themselves outnumbered by females and uncomfortable …
Caregiving’s Sunny Side
An un-news flash: Caring for a spouse, parent, other family member or friend can cause mental and physical stress. Frankly, many caregivers would rather be doing anything but. Or would they? A new study from the Sloan Center on Aging & Work at Boston College reveals that older Americans who are highly engaged in caregiving have enhanced well-being. In fact, it rates right up there with paid work, education and training, and volunteering. The study measured levels of engagement in …
Meeting Alzheimer’s at the MoMA
Picture this: It is Tuesday, the day New York’s Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) is closed to the public, and yet I am in their galleries surrounded by Van Goghs, Dalis, and Cezannes. It is one of those “life moments” now etched in my brain. There are no crowds or distractions, just seven caretakers, their spouses and parents with dementia, and a Museum educator, all animatedly discussing Picasso’s very abstract “The Seated Bather.” The educator: “Why did Picasso choose to paint this way? There is no torso or brain. What do you see?” “A hollow woman,” says one man with Alzheimer’s. “An empty-headed woman,” says another. “What a sexy broad!” he continues. There may be laughs, but this is a serious approach to improving the lives of caregivers and their impaired spouses and parents. The MoMA Alzheimer’s Project’s Meet Me at …
Giving Military Family Caregivers a Break
Good news for military family caregivers today. The Obama Administration has proposed a new rule that would allow families of U.S. service members to use the Family and Medical Leave Act to care for an injured soldier or to help them get ready if they’re deployed on short notice. Labor Department officials will consider comments over the next 60 days before deciding whether to give it the green light. Here are the highlights of the proposal: Family caregivers could take a work leave of up to five years after the service member has left the military. It only applies toward the servicemembers who served in post-September 11th combat. Families of those in the regular armed forces would be included, not only in the National Guard and reservists. Spouses, children, or parents could have up to 12 weeks of leave from work to help …
Caregiving Consequences: Can’t Stress It Enough!
If you’re a family caregiver, reading the results of the latest Stress in America survey won’t be comforting at all. The link between caregiving and health has been widely documented. And now there’s further proof that those tending a chronically ill or aging family member have higher levels of stress, worse health, and a proclivity to engage in detrimental behavior (poor eating, not enough sleep or exercise). While getting older is typically associated with less stress, that’s not the case if you’re an age 50+ family caregiver, maintains the American Psychological Association survey. Caregivers vs. the rest of the population In the study, both caregivers and non-caregivers were asked questions about their health. Here’s how caregivers fared: They said they were in poorer health, with higher rates of high cholesterol, high blood pressure, weight gain/obesity, and depression. Sixty-two percent reported …
Palliative Care’s Healing Powers for Caregivers, Too
Five months ago, my 91-year-old mother suffered a massive stroke and spent six days in the palliative care unit of a Connecticut hospital. The specially trained physician, nurse, social worker, and pastoral counselor kept her pain-free until she died. What they did for me was equally remarkable: they nursed me, the emotionally and physically exhausted caregiver, through what felt like a slow motion death. Their kindness allowed me to heal more quickly than I believe I would have without palliative care. Palliative care, hospital or home-based, is a way to manage pain, provide emotional support to the patient and family, and help the family navigate our maddening health care system. Like hospice, it can be used for end-of-life, but doesn’t have to be. It can also help control pain from chemotherapy or other medical treatments. The National Palliative Care Research …
Do We Owe Other Generations?
Money—who pays for what—in U.S families, is something not often discussed with others. Which is why I found the new MetLife study Multi-Generational Views on Family Financial Obligations a revealing peek inside others’ living rooms. Baby Boomers (ages 48-66 in 2012), Gen Xers (ages 36-47) and Gen Yers (ages 22–35 this year) were asked their attitudes about supporting either their adult children or their aging parents or grandparents. The online study of more than 2,000 ages 21-65 shows that all generations want to be able to provide financially for their children and grandkids. Makes sense, right? Not so fast: There are differences in how the various groups studied want to spend their money. It comes down to this: Boomers, as they approach retirement, are most concerned about being able to fund and enjoy their later years. They don’t want to end up taking “handouts” …
